Tough 12 months.

[winnyason]

Hi all, used to be a regular poster on here.
But about 12 months ago, my wife of 24 years left me. Been an awful time.
I am 45 years old, been quite hard. The seeing my teenage kids less, being forced to sell family home hit me up with lawyers forcing me to sell.
The financial is worst, I am asked to pay 21k in school fees as private agreement. Well above my wage amount. It has taken me 12 months to get the guts to see a lawyer.
See my teenage kids probably 20 percent of time. And live with my parents again.
I really took to heavy drinking for last 8 months getting drunk 3 to 4 times a week.
Family home was sold in November, she never wanted to do counselling and made intentions clear it was over.
I tried to get back into dating game with few woman but simply a shadow of myself and need to heal. I need to get off drink, I have started going to f45.
Asking any posters who been through similar what is timeline to heal ?

 

[Michael Clare]

Hi feathered friend. I went through a similar situation back in 2019. Healing timeline is tricky, but I'm back better than ever these days. The first two years were the hardest by far. Best wishes.

 

[winnyason]

Hi feathered friend. I went through a similar situation back in 2019. Healing timeline is tricky, but I'm back better than ever these days. The first two years were the hardest by far. Best wishes.

Thanks Brother, gives some hope things do get better.

 

[SeaEagleRock8]

Asking any posters who been through similar what is timeline to heal ?

Wish you well winnyason. I haven't been through that but did have a major disturbance in my personal life when my wife died, aged 45. Luckily our kids were young adults at least and other family rallied around.
I'm not qualified to give you advice other than, be kind to yourself! It sounds like you recognise the drinking is only adding to the problems, that's a big step to realise, so in particular i wish you well with changing all that.

 

[Tragic Eagle]

Hang in their champ you’ll get through it.

 

[Eagle 1]

Just getting on here and talking about your situation is a positive. It's mighty tough now, but you'll get through it champ.

 

[globaleagle]

Sorry to hear of your trials you're going through.

I have no experience in this but good on you for seeking help.

Wishing you (and all the others) the best and strength to get through the corners before hitting the straights again.

 

[Captain Moondog]

Have you applied for custody of the kids? I got custody of mine back in the 1980's. Remember fathers have the same rights as mothers .

 

[lsz]

I have a couple of mates going through similar things. It is a tough time and what I have learnt that there is no real common situation as everyone is going through different things

All I can say is the best thing you have done is to talk about it - if you ever need to talk more please feel free to hit me up (either here or via DM)

 

[Chunkytuna]

Keep hanging in their mate. Things will turn and life will get better. Lean on friends and family - they want to help. Take care of yourself.

 

[Highflier]

Sorry to hear that Winnyason ,but as @Chunkytuna said you will be surprised how many people will want to help you if you ask .
Other than that, think about some things you want to achieve in the next 1-12 months or so and make a list ,and what you have to do to achieve them ,and then go about working on them to make them happen .They don't have to be big things can be small things like say going to F45 5 days a week ,or creating a secondary income or whatever .Just make a list and focus on achieving them .It can sometimes help writing them out everyday too.
Anyways good luck mate, you could have another 45 years in front of you, make'em count !

 

[winnyason]

Wish you well winnyason. I haven't been through that but did have a major disturbance in my personal life when my wife died, aged 45. Luckily our kids were young adults at least and other family rallied around.
I'm not qualified to give you advice other than, be kind to yourself! It sounds like you recognise the drinking is only adding to the problems, that's a big step to realise, so in particular i wish you well with changing all that.

Thanks mate, life is full of challenges. It’s been hard to accept it all but I still here.

 

[winnyason]

Hang in their champ you’ll get through it.

Thanks mate

 

[winnyason]

Have you applied for custody of the kids? I got custody of mine back in the 1980's. Remember fathers have the same rights as mothers .

Mate started process today, really hoped things would get better but never have. Ned to do best by kids now

 

[winnyason]

I have a couple of mates going through similar things. It is a tough time and what I have learnt that there is no real common situation as everyone is going through different things

All I can say is the best thing you have done is to talk about it - if you ever need to talk more please feel free to hit me up (either here or via DM)

Mate thank you I will do. It’s very common now for men in there 40s

 

[winnyason]

Keep hanging in their mate. Things will turn and life will get better. Lean on friends and family - they want to help. Take care of yourself.

Parents, brothers and mates kept me here. An old high school friend heard off dramas and been a life saver

 

[winnyason]

Sorry to hear that Winnyason ,but as @Chunkytuna said you will be surprised how many people will want to help you if you ask .
Other than that, think about some things you want to achieve in the next 1-12 months or so and make a list ,and what you have to do to achieve them ,and then go about working on them to make them happen .They don't have to be big things can be small things like say going to F45 5 days a week ,or creating a secondary income or whatever .Just make a list and focus on achieving them .It can sometimes help writing them out everyday too.
Anyways good luck mate, you could have another 45 years in front of you, make'em count !

Yeah I panicked for a while. Really hit the bottle but realising it’s not the answer to be honest. Exercise, I went back to 3rd grade rugby and even learning guitar.
Was too worried about finding another partner but realise I need to improve me first otherwise that will be waste of time

 

[Rocky]

Hi @winnyason I'm sorry to hear this but please concentrate on your mental wellbeing. Surround yourself with good people and take it one day at a time to rebuild. Being grateful for the good things you have in life is also important. Rather do that than focus on what you don't have.

The best advice I can pass on having been through a hard time would be to exercise as much as possible. I'm glad to hear you have started F45. This is great for the mind and to get the endorphins going. And drink as little booze as possible.

Best wishes

 

[Highflier]

Yeah I panicked for a while. Really hit the bottle but realising it’s not the answer to be honest. Exercise, I went back to 3rd grade rugby and even learning guitar.
Was too worried about finding another partner but realise I need to improve me first otherwise that will be waste of time

you are the priority atm mate

 

[winnyason]

Hi @winnyason I'm sorry to hear this but please concentrate on your mental wellbeing. Surround yourself with good people and take it one day at a time to rebuild. Being grateful for the good things you have in life is also important. Rather do that than focus on what you don't have.

The best advice I can pass on having been through a hard time would be to exercise as much as possible. I'm glad to hear you have started F45. This is great for the mind and to get the endorphins going. And drink as little booze as possible.

Best wishes

Yeah realised booze is not helping. F45 is helping heaps. Today marks 12 months since seperation and it’s time to really focus on me til end of year.