A quick joke thread

What has thick glasses and a wet nose? A short sighted gynaecologist.
I applied for a job as a gynaecologist but they turned me away because i was over qualified.I still have a private practice working from home with the wife.I play drums at night and then when i get home i do a 2 hour shift.(hehe)
 
Q: How do you know if Lady Gaga is dead?
A: You poke her face.

A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

Why was the sand wet?
Because the seaweed.
 
I got the sack from most off my clubs playing music and my doctor said i have a drink problem but i said i have no drink problem i like it.
 
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OK fellas I just heard some interesting news when Todd Greenturd was born the midwife held him up and slapped his mother.
 
I had I tell my wife her eyebrows were drawn on to high, she looked surprised!


I’ve just been diagnosed as colourblind, it really came out of the purple
 

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